Amor y convivencia

Siempre me preguntaré por qué dos personas que se aman no pueden mantener una convivencia pacífica. ¿Acaso el amor que se tienen no es suficiente para llegar a un acuerdo? ¿Y qué fue de los bonitos sentimientos que se juraron para siempre? Según la Biblia “el amor todo lo sufre, todo lo cree, todo lo espera, todo lo soporta” (Romanos 12:9). Sin embargo la realidad nos pinta un cuadro muy distinto.

Recuerdo mucho mi retiro de confirmación en el colegio. Mi grupo lo conformaban 10 chicos de 4to de secundaria, todos provenientes de buenas familias. Estabamos conversando entre nosotros durante largo rato de las cosas que nos molestaban, que nos causaban tristeza, cosas que queríamos arreglar. En un momento casi todos nos pusimos muy tristes o pretendíamos estarlo, hasta que uno de ellos mencionó que sus padres se habían separado. Le siguieron dos más. Un cuarto comento que apenas había conocido a su padre y se puso a llorar. Le seguimos todos, bueno casi todos. Porque mis padres eran los únicos que permanecían juntos después de 15 años de matrimonio. La experiencia me hizo valorar mucho a mi familia y a mis papás. Poco después conversando con uno de mis mejores amigos (proveniente él de una familia de padres que provenían, cada uno por su lado de una primera relación) me comento casi lo mismo. Que de su grupo solo él tenía mantenía a sus padres juntos. Y que por supuesto todos lloraron excepto él. Conversando poco después acerca de esto nos pareció muy raro que un colegio católico, de padres católicos, de clase social media para arriba tenga a tantas familias separadas. Pero aquí no termina toda la historia. Al año siguiente mi hermano paso por similar experiencia. Y lo mismo le paso a uno de sus mejores amigos en el mismo retiro. Tengan en cuenta que era mi hermano(!) o sea que si juntamos todos los grupos, la fracción de familias que no habían sufrido una separación no era 4/40, si no la mucho menor cifra de 3/39.

Pensando al respecto casi he llegado a la conclusión que convivir con alguién depende de algo más que el amor que se tengan entre sí. Que el amor que se tengan entre sí ayuda mucho y que muchas veces puede sostener la convivencia, pero que se necesita de muchos más ingredientes. Imagino que es como el arroz chaufa, se necesita el arroz de todas formas, pero no sería arroz chaufa sin la cebolla china, el huevo, el sillao. Propongo otro ejemplo, muchos de nosotros amamos a nuestros hermanos, pero interiormente sabemos que no podríamos convivir con ellos o que en el mejor de los casos sería un suplicio hacerlo. Por otro lado la vida nos coloca en situaciones en las que tenemos que convivir con personas por las que no sentimos nada especial. Por ejemplo en el trabajo o en el hospital o en una prisión. Y sin embargo en estos casos es posible llegar a un nivel de conviviencia pacífico.

TOLERANCIA

Algunos pueden argumentar que una relación de pareja es más intima y que en este caso los roces son más frecuentes. Y ciertamente los roces son más frecuentes, pero de aquí a que estos roces se conviertan en batallas campales, más alla del amor que se tengan, depende muchas veces de la actitud de ambas personas para con la otra.

La actitud? Acaso será esta la respuesta?

Lo que si me queda claro es que uno pelea porque quiere. Si uno no quiere pelear, no pelea. Asi se caiga el mundo. Lo que sucede es que nos acostumbramos a reaccionar del mismo modo ante los mismo estímulos y no nos damos cuenta que podemos cambiar, que podemos reaccionar de otra forma, de otra manera, más suave o más fuerte, más agresiva o pacífica. Llegamos a pensar que nuestras reacciones son solo eso, reacciones. Pero pienso que sí se puede hacer algo. Ser más amable o más bondadoso depende exclusivamente de nosotros. Ser más agresivos también. Y acostumbrarnos a ello es solo cuestión de tiempo y práctica.

Otro aspecto clave para llevar una convivencia es nuestro nivel de tolerancia. Exageremos un poco. Fijémonos por ejemplo en una relación sadomasoquista. En la misma, dos personas llevadas por distintas necesidades se buscan y se encuentran, una para infringir daño y la otra para sufrirlo. El nivel de tolerancia en este caso es máximo. No admite discusiónes y en muchos casos la relación puede durar muchos meses y años. Cada uno tiene niveles de tolerancia muy variados. Hay cosas que unos pueden soportar mejor que otros y cosas que simplemente uno no esta dispuesto a soportar. Un mentira puede ser tomada como un simple error o distracción por parte de la pareja hasta ser el motivo para terminar la relación.

Pero cómo se entiende una tolerancia extrema. ¿Vale la pena vivir de esta manera? ¿Se puede llamar a una relación sadomasoquista una relación de pareja? Aquí entra a tallar otro aspecto que considero de suma importancia entre dos personas que se aman, el respeto. Una vez escuche algo asi como “el amor iguala”. Pero extendiendo un poco la frase dentro de una relación de pareja podríamos decir que “el respeto iguala”. Y es que en verdad una relación de pareja propiamente dicha se da entre iguales (o igualados). Las relaciónes dependientes que se dan no dejan de ser propiamente relaciones de pareja, pero si se pierde el respeto entonces llegamos a relaciones feudales en donde uno de los bandos domina al otro y lo maneja a sus anchas. Y podrán argumentar mucho pero no me atrevería a llamar a esta relación una relación de pareja. En todo caso será una relación de dominio, pero no de pareja. Porque normamente se emparejan seres similares. Por ejemplo podemos emparejar un par de zapatos, un par de zapatillas, un par de chelas, un par de amigos. A estos si se les puede llamar parejas de. ¿Pero que resulta de una zanahoria y un nabo? ¿Un pareja de qué? ¿O de una piedra y una hoja de papel?

En resumen mis ingredientes para la receta secreta (además del amor) son una buena actitud, harta tolerancia y mucho pero mucho respeto.
Espero les sirva a este post.

RG

Puntuación: 5.00 / Votos: 4
Publicado en Busco enamorada a la(s) 09:57 el día martes 27 enero por
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    Yo creo que el amor, además de un sentimiento, es decisión, compromiso. Cristo les dice a sus apóstoles “amaos los unos a los otros”. Si el amor fuera sólo un sentimiento no podría ser un mandamiento. El amor, creo, es una mezcla de todo eso: sentimiento, voluntad, decisión. En las relaciones de pareja, el enamoramiento y atracción es la chispa que desencadena todo, pero si se queda ahí, muere. Si eso no deriva en un compromiso y voluntad de que las cosas funcionen, no crece.

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