Taxistas para todos los gustos

x Carlos Tovar

No he visto en ninguna otra ciudad latinoamericana más taxis por metro cuadrado que en Lima. Ni siquiera en el DF. Algunas veces he hecho el ejercicio de contar cuántos de una treintena de autos que esperan la luz verde para cruzar una calle son taxis y me he dado con la sorpresa que la mayoría. Resulta fácil ver en cada esquina limeña una gran cantidad de autos de color blanco o amarillo que luchan por hacerse de un pasajero, o si ya llevan a uno, de avanzar lo más pronto posible hacia su destino, a costa incluso de espantar a peatones indefensos.

En Lima, basta levantar la mano, haciendo la típica señal llamando a un taxi, para que, como por arte de magia, antes de tres segundos, al menos un par de taxis pare enfrente tuyo. Con mucha probabilidad serán unos de aquellos autos modelo Station Wagon o, con un poco menos de suerte, un auto Tico. Digo con menos suerte porque los Ticos son autos absolutamente inseguros. Como con el paso del tiempo uno agudiza su instinto de conservación, ahora yo evito, por todos los medios, tomarlos.

TICO

Para quienes no los conocen, los Tico son unos autos de un metro de ancho por dos de largo que inundaron la ciudad de Lima durante los noventas y se convirtieron de la noche a la mañana en los preferidos por los taxistas (ahora, afortunadamente, han empezado a ser una especie en extinción). Con toda propiedad, una amiga venezolana los llamaba “zapaticos” por lo pequeños. ¡Y vaya que el tamaño de un Tico va muy a tono con su fragilidad! Su fortaleza es apenas mayor que la de una enorme batea de plástico. Dentro de ellos no hay forma de sentirse a salvo. ¡Y cómo corren los condenados! Tienen un arranque bárbaro. No sé si el resto de limeños tiene la misma impresión que yo, pero a mí me parece que hasta tienen personalidad propia. Como sí todos fueran conducidos por el mismo chofer, el cual, para compensar el complejo que debe producirle conducir un auto tan diminuto, hace gala de una enorme osadía al volante, a costa de la integridad de los peatones y, desde luego, de sus propios pasajeros… porque ni el usar cinturón de seguridad cambiará mucho las cosas si eres pasajero de un Tico, a no ser que si lo usas, y por desgracia el Tico choca, sólo está garantizado que salgas expelido con asiento y todo. Porque, además de ser seguramente la ciudad con mayor número de taxis per cápita en Latinoamérica, Lima es también, con poco margen de duda, la ciudad donde están los peores conductores de la región. Lo digo con cierto grado de chauvinismo y resignación, si cabe una mezcla tan rara de sentimientos.

Recuerdo a un amigo chileno quien me describió su primera experiencia en un taxi limeño como espeluznante. Para su mala fortuna tomó un taxi que condujo por la vía expresa a una hora en la que todo el mundo corre para llegar a tiempo a su destino. Bueno pues, también que en Chile el servicio de taxis es uno de los más seguros de la región (y también uno de los más caros) así que no es de extrañar que mi amigo haya quedado traumatizado después de su experiencia por vías limeñas.

Relatos sobre osadías de conductores hay muchas. Me acuerdo, en una época en la que aún tomaba Ticos, de un taxista que conduciendo uno estos bichos, por su afán de avanzar pronto, no tuvo mejor idea que conducir sobre la acera (A*C*E*R*A). Pero eso no fue todo. Esa maniobra, absolutamente inexplicable para cualquier persona del mundo civilizado o semi-civilizado, tuvo el agravante de ser ejecutada doblando una esquina. Es decir, el chofer no sólo invadió territorio peatonal sino que lo hizo de tal forma que si un peatón se encontraba doblando la acera en sentido opuesto (lo cual, como comprenderán, era plenamente probable) hubiera sido embestido por un auto, en plena vía peatonal, y, seguramente, habría pasado al otro mundo sin siquiera saber cómo lo dejó (Estupefacto, lo único que atiné a hacer es bajarme del taxi para no ser cómplice del conductor)…

La inconciencia de los conductores limeños respecto a la seguridad tiene muchos matices. Recuerdo a un taxista que, cuando le comenté que su auto no tenía cinturón de seguridad, me respondió muy orgullosamente: “No se preocupe joven, yo nunca choco”. ¡Como si chocar dependiera únicamente de él y no también de otro imprudente que ande al volante!

Pero el hecho de ser conductores osados no es lo único característico de los taxistas. Sería injusto reducirlos a eso. También tienen otros defectos.

Me acuerdo mucho de un taxista extremadamente gordo y conversador quien casualmente maneja un Tico. Manejaba y lo vestía, porque su extremada gordura lo hacía dueño de la parte de adelante del Tico sin opción a tener copiloto. Su envergadura era tal, que bien podría haber sacado cada uno de sus brazos por cada una de las ventanas delanteras. Como la mayoría de taxistas se reveló como muy conversador y me contaba una intrincada historia sentimental suya, con un sin número de detalles que, cuando íbamos llegando ya al final de la carrera apenas había pasado del “había una vez”. (Lamentablemente muchos de ellos no han desarrollado la capacidad de síntesis. Al igual que yo, que empecé esta nota con la idea de escribir sólo un par de párrafos). Ese mismo taxista me dijo: “Me acuerdo todos los detalles de lo que pasó porque tengo memoria de elefante”. “Y el cuerpo también”, pensé agregar, pero no me atreví, porque temí que el paquidermo me aplastase con toda su humanidad. No sé en qué consistía su historia porque por un lado la cantidad de detalles me había mareado y, por otro, porque yo trataba, sin éxito, de leer una novela que llevaba conmigo. Para no ser descortés, de vez en vez, le decía, “¿Ah, sí?” y el taxista respondía “Sí, sí joven”, y así repetíamos con cierta frecuencia nuestro “dialogo”. Mientras yo bajaba del taxi, el taxista me dijo: “Otro día te termino de contar, compare”. “Sí, claro, – le dije- terminando la absurda conversación”.

También me he topado con esos taxistas que se ponen a filosofar sobre la pulga del perro. Casi siempre es difícil entender qué dicen. Hablan de la vida, las mujeres y los partiditos de fútbol de fin de semana. De que su equipo favorito perdió por mala suerte. De los maradonas que son jugando al fútbol y de los goles que se les escaparon en su pichanga del último fin de semana. Y cuando hablan de política siempre terminan diciendo “Todos los políticos son iguales, corruptos todos”, pero al rato están sobornando al policía que quiere ponerles una papeleta por haber cometido una infracción de tránsito. Para colmo, muchas veces, estos mismos conductores son aquellos que piensan que quien conduce respetando las reglas no sabe conducir. ¡O peor aun, los que piensan que los hombres son los únicos capacitados para conducir! Aquellos que si una mujer al volante y no hace las osadías que hacen ellos, salen con la conocida frase “¡mujer tenía que ser!”. Y es justamente lo que una vez me dijo uno cuando de pronto un auto que iba delante del suyo, conducido por una mujer, redujo, con toda precaución, la velocidad antes de llegar a un cruce. “¡Avanza tía!” –dijo, previa tocada de claxon. “Mujer tenía que ser ¿no?” –agregó, tratando de hacerme cómplice de su precaria forma de pensar. Cansado de argumentar contra lo mismo, esa vez opté por responder: “No lo sé –pero para provocar su fastidio agregué– “Aunque tiene un auto mucho mejor que el tuyo, ¿no, crees?”. Cosa que no le hizo ninguna gracia.

Los que no son conversadores, se les dan por hacer de DJ, aun cuando sus conocimientos sobre música no pasen de los grupos de moda, como el Grupo 5 o los Hermanos Yaipén. Tienen siempre la radio prendida a todo volumen en los parlantes de atrás, justo detrás de tu oreja. Pero por suerte la mayoría sólo te impone su gusto musical, porque hay unos pocos que se ponen a cantar. Si la canción es buena, la terminan arruinando con su voz. Tal como durante el año pasado me las arruinaba el bendito taxista que me hacía el servicio de taxi durante las mañanas de mi casa al trabajo. Se ponía a cantar todo cuanto la radio que sintonizaba, usualmente una de baladas, le ponía encima (tenía, presumo, una afición incontenible por el Karaoke). Entonces tenía que soplarme la versión taxi de Perales, Mocedades, Camilo Sesto y José José. Y de menos antiguos como Chayane y Arjona (Bueno, si se trataba de este último, yo prefería que el taxista cante porque, con el perdón de los Mayas, no hay cantante más insufrible que el guatemalteco ése). ¡Recuerdo que hasta Myriam Hernández cantaba el condenado taxista! Eso no es todo. Cuando por casualidad la radio pasaba una canción en inglés, hacia una traducción libre de la letra de la canción (Si al menos hubiera sido “Baby, one more time” de Britney Spears, la hacía con 50% de la letra, porque la rubia, la eterna adolescente –porque siempre adolece de algo– repite casi todo el tiempo una misma frase durante toda la canción). Además, el taxista acompañaba sus canciones con el claxon del auto, el cual tocaba al llegar a cada cruce…

Hablando de tocar el claxon, ello se ha convertido en un tic de los conductores y los taxistas lo hacen, además, muy prácticos ellos, para llamar a potenciales pasajeros. Recuerdo de un taxista que no sólo usaba el claxon sino, además, aunque parezca inverosímil, un altavoz. Mismo ambulancia. Se trataba de un taxista loco, obviamente. Un taxi driver. Yo que suelo andar despistado, caí en la cuenta de ello cuando el tráfico se puso complicado y el taxista hizo sonar una sirena de ambulancia y decir por el altavoz “A un lado, a un lado”. Juro que los carros se hacían a un lado. Pero eso no fue todo, cuando el taxista sobreparó en un cruce y vio a una chica parada comiendo tranquilamente un helado, empezó a gritarle por el altavoz “Mamita, mamita, invita tu helado pe”. Mientras, la susodicha volteaba la cabeza de un lado a otro desconcertada buscando averiguar quién le hablaba de manera tan sonora. Imaginarán que fue el viaje en taxi más insólito que he hecho. Por suerte duró poco. Cuando bajé del auto no estaba seguro que lo que había pasado había sido real o no, hasta que tomé conciencia que estaba en Lima. Entonces, me acordé de esa viñeta de Mafalda, quien mirando asustada a los autos, le pregunta a su madre “¿Los autos son seres que atacan al hombre para defenderse de qué?”

Este corto y divertido ensayo pertenece a mi amigo Carlos Tovar.

Puntuación: 4.67 / Votos: 15
Publicado en General a la(s) 11:32 el día viernes 23 enero por
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Comentarios

  1. La Maga escribió:

    oee como es eso k publicas lo k no es tuyo?? k se puede?? hablaa!!! yo tmb voy a piratear!!! jaja!..

  2. JUAN escribió:

    SIMPLEMENTE ES UNA MAÑOSERIA DE UN FALDERO

  3. Alfonso escribió:

    Oye la Ciudad de Mexico es la ciudad con mas taxis en el mundo, no se que lugar ocupe Lima.

  4. Carlos Tovar escribió:

    No dije que Lima tenía más taxis que el DF, sino más taxis por metro cuadrado. Cosa distinta. En verdad no he visto en DF tantos taxis por metro cuadrado como en Lima.

  5. Candy escribió:

    Qué graciosa esta historia, sacada casi de un thriller. Los taxistas son todo un universo. Es terible cuando hablan y tú no tienes las ganas de conversar ni con tu sombra. Los ticos son tan macizos y seguros como la cáscara de un huevo. Jamás, pero jamás deben abordarlos. Peligrosísimos para una ciudad tan primitiva como Lima. Saludos.

  6. jhonny escribió:

    el auto tico es tan seguro como cualquier otro es una maquina que la conduce una persona y xlo tanto no es responsable de los accidentes si tu tomas taxi debes ser un regateador que x 5 soles quieren que los lleben de lima ancon la gente los toma mas que cualquier otro auto x que son mas economicos para la necesidad de la gente y la gente que habla mal del auto tico no se xque es una maquina no una persona.chau

  7. alberto escribió:

    mira carlos tovar si te pasan tantas cosas x tomar un taxi ve caminando a tu destino o sino comprate una bicicleta no todos los taxistas son como los de tu historia tu eres una persona amargada de la vida que solo me lo malo de las cosas y de la gente x que todos no son iguales pero eres masoquista x que sigues tomando taxis.ylos taxis que tomas seguro que pagas una miseria por que el buen servicio cuesta y no es como tu dices de los taxistas por que hay mucha gente que por tener un auto moderno son peores que los taxistas no respetan nada ni a nadie x sus influencias en el poder hay de todo en las avenidas y pistas no solo lo que tu dices carlos tovar tienes que mirar mas alla de la esquina por que esas personas que conducen como locos no solo son los taxistas esas que son hijitos de mama o personas influyentes tienen el estudio mas caro pero igual son unos locos al volante peor que muchos taxistas .tu carlos quieres ver solo lo que quieres ver pero no todo es como tu lo mensionas en tu historia que me parece clasista osea que el taxista es lo peor para ti.pero hay taxistas que asen buen servicio no como tu dices .espero que pienes otra ves al contar una historia de lima y toda su gente por que veo que no conoces casi nada de ella chau.

  8. Renzo escribió:

    No tanto para regatear un taxi de Lima a Ancon por 5 soles pero si uno del Óvalo Higuereta al Parque Kennedy por 4. Y bueno si los ticos no tienen la culpa, por otro lado la bicicleta es más ecológica.

  9. Kike escribió:

    buenas, bueno yo soy taxista desde hace 3 meses (Y tambien trabajo para una empresa pero uno tiene que cachuelearse), y manejo con prudencia, seguridad y hago caso a la señales de transito, y claro que soy un taxista de lima; quiza exageras un poco con tus historias, el buen servicio cuesta un poco más, pero se hace un buen servicio, el auto Tico de la marca Daewoo es inseguro porque no esta diseñado para transito urbano, sino para interiores de fabricas, empresas grandes o universidades, etc. muchos de nosotros por avaratar costos es decir pagar menos por el servicio de taxi hemos tomado Tico pero es por necesidad, y nosotros mismos nos exponemos. Ahora bien si es que pones a los taxistas malos, como unicos trabajadores taxistas de Lima, creo que esta mal, quiza deberias haber puesto alguna historia satisfactoria, porque quiza las historias de taxistas te aburran, la inseguridad te agobie y la idosincrasia de estos te apeste… ENTONCES CARLITOS COMPRATE TU AUTO O ANDA EN BICI O PREGUNTA POR EL SERVICIO AEREO CREO QUE HAY HELICOPTEROS QUE HACEN TAXI :)… O SERA QUE NO TE GUSTA CONDUCIR?? O SERA QUE NO TE GUSTA SUDAR??.. O TAMBIEN TE DAN MIEDO LAS ALTURAS. 🙂

  10. Renzo escribió:

    Creo que le dan miedo las alturas jaja.

  11. karla escribió:

    hay los taxistas!!…graciosa la historia un dia me toco uno que condujo desde jockey plaza a la agencia san martin para regresar a huacho en 15 minutos y en hora punto, cuando baje casi me tiro al piso a besarlo mismi papa pork ese tipo era meteoro jaja y claro manejaba una tico k miedoo ni mas dije aunk aveces por la premura del tiempo se me pasa y los tomo en fin ya depende de uno pero esa peculiaridad de que te canten, hablen, son personas y bueno hay k escucharlas aveces tambien somos asi y no estamos en manos del volante, seamos tolerante con eso y si no te vacila pues con todo respeto le dices que apague su musica , que estas leyendo o nose pero con RESPETO, porque igual es un trabajo y como cualkiera aveces lo hacen bien y otras mal.

  12. carlos escribió:

    mucha espectativa com estos comentarios
    el taxista simpre va atener sus historias ya sean de dia o ya sean de noche como dice un comentarista que si no le gusta si esta prendida la radio del entonces se le pide al chofer que por favor le bajen el volumen de la radio entonces ..combersando nos entendemos asi es el chofer tiene que alegrarse la vida de ese modo si no se aburre ya que esta trabajo es bastante estresado ,no se metan muxo con los choferes que yo tambien soy de la caña y se comportarme
    todos no somos yguales y vamos tambien a la imformalidad que existe en esta linda lima por favor entiendan somos personas que se ganan la vida trabajando dia y noche para movilizar a las personas que lo neseciten y tambien pues para llevar los frijoles al hogar mucha suerte a todos …el taxista lechucero mas conocido como chalequito ..

  13. Jimy escribió:

    Artículo con lujo de detalles, pero cayendo en el error de generalizar a todos los taxistas, los cuales son varios los que si trabajan respetando al pasajero y peatones. Y también metiendo a Arjona, a Britney Spears, a los mayas y demás detalles, igual que el chofer gordo y conversador, a quien critica.

  14. miguel escribió:

    Primero felicitarte,quien escribe así tiene talento,y hay que trabajarlo.
    Para un monologo cómico es perfecto.
    Ahora sobre lo que dices ,nos ha tocado a nosotros vivir esta época dentro de la evolución del sistema económico que hemos escogido.Para explicarme , me sorprendió mucho cuando un chileno anciano me dijo que cuando venia a Perú recordaba a su Chile de antaño ,cuando tuvieron que modernizar sus autos y todos los problemas que esto les genero
    como usuarios y a acostumbrarse al nuevo régimen y casi con postura de vidente me dijo todo lo que iba a suceder luego en el Perú; pasados los años creo que acertó en todo aun tengo miedo de una profecia mas era sobre el exterminio y marginacion de los indígenas,bueno claro Chile es una colonia Europea por no decir Inglesa y el ejemplo que ocurrió en EEUU sobre el tema. Perú tiene su propia historia y de seguro su propio ritmo de cambio les ruego seamos un poquito mas tolerantes
    de seguro llegara el día en que alcancemos los estándares europeos de cultura sin necesidad de marginación ni exterminios

  15. Andrea escribió:

    A mi si me gusto tu articulo Carlos. Es verdad que no todos los taxistas son pesimos conductores, pero la mayoria si lo son. En realidad, como dice alguien por ahi, en el Peru la mayoria de conductores, ya sea de buses, autos particulares, colectivos, mototaxis y motos, son pesimos! Por eso hay tantos accidentes de transito. Y los peatones son otro problema. Hay una falta de educacion vial increible. Las calles de Lima no son agradables. Yo trato en lo posible de cumplir con las reglas viales como peaton o pasajera, y a los taxistas les exijo que cumplan las reglas, pero son muy reacios a aprender. Eso es lo peor, la gente no quiere aprender y ser mejor.

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